Tuesday, November 14, 2006

I guess it all boils down to this

I screwed up my Econs Paper 3 big time.

I'm not trying to boast or anything, but truth to be told, Econs is and always has been my strongest subject. I just blanked out when I started the paper. I don't get it, the questions just looked so damn foreign to me though I've read about them, practiced a-zillion papers and what not. But so what? Like anybody's gonna give a fucking damn. It doesn't matter how well others think of you or how well you have always been doing. Like your friends/teachers' testimonial about your grades will help at all. There's just no justification as long as you screw up your paper. And I can't believe that I, my name, Ivan Tan, 3006/0082, will be judged by that those pieces of incomplete essays and that complete thrash I handed in less than 6 hours ago. No man, that won't do. That just isn't fair. I want my A. And now I can't get it. Not anymore.

I feel like a fucking loser. Like a dumb ass motherfucker who, under test conditions, simply can't think properly nor perform. I don't get it either, this has no logic at all. I have never freaked out for examinations at all. Not even once. And this time it has to come down so hard on me; I'm like a motherfucking stepping stone for some top school motherfucker's success. And this, whether or not I like it, isn't gonna bloody hell change. Everybody has told me that I shouldn't brood over it because I can't change a thing. But it's particularly and pertinently because I can't change a damned thing that's why I'm behaving in this manner. My head's about to explode now. I'm drained over this whole damned shit. Subconsciously, the stress is proliferating because I bloody hell damn know at the back of my head that I must do well tomorrow for Econs Papers 1 & 2 if I wanna even come close to a decent grade.

I feel like letting go right now really. I'm just that close. I just wish I had the strength to at least tide over this fucking crisis. And I don't know who to turn to. Mortals aren't helping with their insensitive remarks and behaviour; both of which I can't blame, and the omnipotent's forever missign from my life.

posted@10:38 PM

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